I married the love of my life in April 2014 and it was one of the best days of my life. We’d been together for 4 years, we’d packed up our things and moved to Texas from Pennsylvania together about a year after meeting and we were truly happy.
A few months into our marriage we decided to stop trying “not’ to have a baby. in other words, lets just see what happens and stop taking birth control. This kind of turned into the obsessive “I’m ovulating, we need to have sex RIGHT now” kind of talks. To be honest, these weren’t some of my finest moments. But we were trying and having no results. After trying and not having success for 6 months, my wife went to her OB-GYN and scheduled a test to have her Fallopian tubes checked out and I was told to get a semen analysis. I got mine done first and the results weren’t great. Either were hers, so off to a fertility specialist we went.
We are blessed to live in a city ( Austin) that has some fantastic doctors and we have one of the best. He explained we were far from bad but not ideal either.
Our results said, we both had an issue, one that before we even started needed to be corrected by a relatively invasive surgery on her part. My wife is a incredibly strong woman, emotionally and physically and she pushed through this surgery and its recovery, which was longer than expected and she was amazing.
We knew that conceiving naturally was going to be difficult, if not impossible so we looked at what our options were. We had two of them, IUI, and IVF. For those who don’t know the difference between the two I’ll give you the grade school versions
IUI-Intrauterine Inception: IUI consists in inserting a sample of treated and pre-washed sperm into the womb around the time an oocyte is released from the ovary.
IVF- In-Vitro Fertilization: IVF is a multi step process that first starts by stimulating a woman’s eggs and retrieving a woman’s eggs. IVF hyper stimulates her hormones to produce multiple eggs. ( in my wife’s case she has 19 retrieved!) The next step is a collecting a sperm sample. After this step embryologists inject sperm into the eggs to fertilize them. Not all eggs are fertilized. Once they are fertilized and begin to grow into embryos they are either frozen or are transferred back into the woman’s uterus and the waiting game happens.
This process has been long. We have had one failed IUI and we decided to go to IVF. Neither of these options are cheap or covered by insurance and we are blessed that either of these is an option.
We had four eggs that grew enough to be frozen. Our first transfer failed. Our second transfer did not fail.
We were over-joyed that we were pregnant and ecstatic, we have not hid our journey from close friends and family so most of them knew what we were up to, so we shared our pregnancy news early and were happy to do so.
Unfortunately, as what happens in 30% of pregnancies, we miscarried at 9 weeks.
Currently, we are still mourning our loss ( it happened on April 11th 2016, on our 2nd year anniversary) and we are planning to recover mentally and physically and will try again with our third and fourth embryo.
I’ve started this blog for a few reasons. First and foremost to write down my thoughts, and secondly to share them with males and females that are dealing with this. Posts down the road are going to deal with my thoughts and feelings. There aren’t a whole lot of places to go and male infertility is an unspoken reality faced by more people than I ever would have thought.
We are now almost a year into this infertility journey and its the worst possible thing I can imagine a newly wed couple to go through besides death of a spouse or a family member. I truly believe it is harder than infidelity. At least with infidelity there is a way to have closure and there is reasoning and logic behind it.
The road has been long and its been heart breaking. But I firmly believe that everything happens for a reason. Life can kick you in the teeth for years and then show you its glory so we wait and we see.